The Chronicles of Brenden and Cali

" The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional" For those of you that read my blog.....despite the large time gaps in between posts....you already know a bit about me. For everyone else.....which is about 99.99% of the human population, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Charlene, I'm 32...until next week, I'm a single mom, I have two special needs kids that mean everything to me, I've lived all over the world, moved every 1.5 to 2 years since I was 13, I work full time, I'm in the process of going back to school to get my Bachelors degree, and I'm also in the process of buying my first house. I'm not highly intelligent, overly gifted in any particular talent, a supermodel, or anyone that will go down in history for accomplishing something great. I am simply, perfectly average me, and I absolutely love who I am. "Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you"  Before you thin...

*This post isn't motivational, humorous or uplifting. But I needed to get my feelings out. If this serves no purpose but that, I will have succeeded. However if there are other parents out there who have gone through or are still going through similar experiences, I hope it helps to know that you aren't alone. I welcome any and all feedback.  It's always sudden, out of nowhere, and when you least expect it. You never think it's going to happen to you, and you're never prepared for it.  " There is no pain greater than to be helpless in the face of a loved ones suffering." On September 25, 2017 at 6:52 pm, my daughter Cali started having a seizure. She had continuous seizures until 9:15pm with the longest one lasting over 45 minutes. The doctors and nurses were constantly working to try and stop the seizure but it just kept going. It's amazing what that kind of adrenaline does to a parent. I remember sitting on the side of her bed, holding her...

"She builds others up because she knows what it's like to be torn down." How many times a day do we use the words I, fair, mine, right, etc.? How many times a day are we annoyed, offended, irritated? And how much energy do we waste on those feelings every day, or yet, how much of that negative energy to we transfer to those we come in contact with? Think about it, it takes just a second from your mood to go from happy to irritated, annoyed, angry. Just a second, something as simple as a dirty look, getting cut off in traffic, having your mail shoved into your mailbox, etc. Now granted, we're all human and it's normal to get bugged. The problem with that, is how long we hold onto those feelings and how many people we transfer them to.  "Be the type of person that makes everyone you come across feel perfectly okay with being exactly who they are." I live in a place that is known to be fairly "sheltered". I didn't grow up here, in...

" Oh my darling it's true. Beautiful things have dents and scratches too." For the most part, my posts are meant to help, to be informative, fun, something you can relate to. This one is no different. While having special needs kids is amazing, often hilarious because of the things they get into, and such a lesson all the time, it's also hard as hell. I'm used to the reactions I get when people find out that both of my kids have ASD, I recite, in my head, the questions they will ask next even before they open their mouths, I've mastered my replies. For years I would simply respond with "Having ASD kids is all I've know, or nah it's not too hard, or they are such a blessing." For some reason, I felt obligated to be reassuring in my responses, upbeat, nonchalant, like I had to ease their concern. I was afraid of looking like a bad mother, or being judged. So I put on a brave face, smiled through the questions, and did my best to conv...

For all of those who are Veterans in the Autism world, you'll all know what I mean when I say STIM or STIMMING. For everyone else, here's a quick lesson. STIMMING or a STIM is self-regulatory behavior. It's repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects. So when you see the child constantly flapping their hands, or spinning in a circle, or singing the same song over and over and over...that's a STIM. It allows them to escape the chaos around them and find solace in their STIM.  Cali is no stranger to this...if it's not taking 3 steps forward and 1 back, or touching everything, licking her hand, or my favorite the Vanna White phase which involved her making graceful arm movements while she walked. This week, it's something entirely new, and maybe it's not entirely in the STIM category, but it's quickly becoming an everyday occurrence. I think I'll call this the Sleeping Beauty. Cali has started making little bed...

There are posts, and memes, blogs and inspirational quotes, all over the place you see things telling you about Autism. Explaining what sensory stems are, and asking others to be patient and mindful before judging. You can take classes  that help you understand the concept of Autism, read books, become fluent in all the lingo and therapy terms. But no where in any of this will you find a "How To" on how to navigate the emotional roller coaster you experience when your child is diagnosed. It's actually quite similar to the grieving process. You go through denial, guilt, anger, and acceptance. There isn't an exact order with the first 3, it's personalized to each person, but you will experience them all, even if only in a slight form. When my first child was diagnosed, he was 2 years old. I didn't even know what Autism was. I felt helpless, angry, sad, scared, anxious....it was like I didn't even know what to feel first. I hit the books immediately a...

I've been a mom for nearly 10 years, I spent 8 of those years being a stay at home mom, a house wife. I was always downplaying it when asked what I did. "I'm just a mom, or I'm just a housewife" was my typical response. It's not that I didn't think I worked hard, or that I thought of my role as unimportant. But rather the stigma that I had ingrained in my head regarding housewives. The all to well comments and remarks that I had heard my whole life. "How hard can it be to keep the house clean" or "you probably sit around and watch soap opera's all day" and my personal favorite "what a waste of a woman's life" So you can see my hesitation at proudly proclaiming my "homemaker" status.  After my divorce, I quickly entered the corporate world, hell bent to not become another stereotype. I refused to be the woman who lived off of child support. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that, I was just hell b...

My girl Cali goes through various phases of interests, or rather OCD obsessions. Nothing off limits, from having to skip sideways every 3 steps, to having to touch everything, to my favorite the snip snip phase. Bear in mind, Cali is extremely strong willed, hardly feels pain, and is the child that will continue to do what you tell her not to do, even after she gets hurt by it.  Cali started the snip snip phase about a year ago, and nothing was safe. She would cut up EVERYTHING! Boots, toys, bedding, purses, toys, doll hair, and yep, her hair. No amount of telling her "no" would work. I tried time outs, flicking her hand, showing her what she did, but still, if she found scissors, she would "snip snip".  So my next step was to hide the scissors. I've hidden them under clothes, on top of cabinets, even taped behind the toilet. She somehow found them everytime....until I hid them under some food in the freezer, finally, I could put an end to the "snip sni...

I knew Cali had Autism before she was a year old. What I didn't know was how completely different her autism would be from Brenden's. Cali still progresses and develops, but much slower. Although she is 8, she is actually closer to a 2 year old mentally. She is my eternal child. Those who know her will often hear me say she is "with the fairies". The most special thing about Cali, is her joy. She truly lives for joy and finds it in every moment. Now don't be fooled....she is one hell of a little stinker at times and has the capability to make Godzilla's havoc on Japan look like child's play. But all things considered, her pure joy completely outweighs everything else. Unlike many children on the spectrum, she absolutely craves physical attention. She feeds off of it. Wrestling, tickle fights, or simply a good squeeze is all she needs to completely light her up. Of course, being so physical comes with it's downside too. Her little body is unique in th...

Remember how I said Brenden was the sweetest little boy ever....well lets dive into that. Brenden was a pretty easy baby, not overly fussy, didn't have colic, slept decent and when it came to hitting milestones, he was a rockstart! He was even starting to say 2 word phrases around 10 months. But as soon as he hit that 2 year mark, things started to slow down, then the development seemed to stop, and by the time he was 18 months he had actually gone backwards in his developement! How does that even happen? He had lost most of his speech, and didn't seem to want to play with other kids at all, and don't even get me started on the temper tantrums.  I know what you're thinking, "I thought this chick said he was the sweetest little boy, this kid sounds kinda awful". Hold on to your knickers alright, I'm getting there! Anyways, back to Brenden, at this point I was starting to get pretty worried. So the logical thought was to put him into a Pre-pre school...

Well, I guess it's time to start a blog....honestly, I never really got the point of these things, they almost seemed like a way for people just to get attention. With that being said, you should probably know why I am even writing this. Lets start over, my name is Charlene and I am the mom of 2 awesome little kiddos. Side note, they both are Special Needs.  Brenden is my oldest, he is 9 and was diagnosed with mild Autism at the age of 2. Brenden in a nutshell is the sweetest little boy ever, and yes, I am biased being his mom, but trust me it's true. I'll get into that more later though.  OK, now for my baby girl Cali, she is actually kinda impossible to explain. She is severely Autistic and Epileptic, non-verbal and basically like the eternal child. All things considered, she is full of smiles, giggles, and love.  Now that we have established the "get to know you's", back to why I'm blogging. It's simple, I'm a single mom, I work 4...