Love----I do not think that means what you think it means


"The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional"
For those of you that read my blog.....despite the large time gaps in between posts....you already know a bit about me. For everyone else.....which is about 99.99% of the human population, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Charlene, I'm 32...until next week, I'm a single mom, I have two special needs kids that mean everything to me, I've lived all over the world, moved every 1.5 to 2 years since I was 13, I work full time, I'm in the process of going back to school to get my Bachelors degree, and I'm also in the process of buying my first house. I'm not highly intelligent, overly gifted in any particular talent, a supermodel, or anyone that will go down in history for accomplishing something great. I am simply, perfectly average me, and I absolutely love who I am.
"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you"

  Before you think I'm bonkers, or suffer from major low self esteem, just hear me out. I don't measure worth by conventional standards. Yes, it's impressive and amazing to watch a Prima Ballerina perform on stage, an athlete win a gold medal at the Olympics, or a scientist find a cure for a disease. Those individuals put their lives, blood, sweat and tears into those skills. But that doesn't define who they are or their worth. It doesn't matter how much money you have, or how many degrees, or social media followers, because if all that was taken away, would you still find happiness? Would you still love yourself? 
"There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way."

 If one day, you wake up alone, get fired from your career, or even un-able to display your talents, would you still love yourself? Would those you hold close still love you? If they truly love you and in return you truly love yourself, then those other things don't matter. So maybe I will never star in a movie, win a gold medal, or cure cancer....but I will love every second of everyday, see the good and beautiful in others, find joy in the darkest of places, and above all, show my love by putting others happiness above my own and not allowing my own selfishness to rule me. 
"Don't make the mistake of confusing "Love" and being "In Love" they are entirely different. 

 Everyone knows what love is, you see it all around you, you watch the chick flicks, search for your happily ever after, and romanticize over the idea of falling in love. But do you really know what that even means? Being "In Love" with someone stems from infatuation, lust, and even obsession. You have chemistry, you feel lonely without your partner and you crave them all the time. Falling "In Love" may not necessarily last long since it is based on infatuation. Falling "In Love" happens to those who have not yet learned to love them selves and to be alone. Learning to love yourself helps you to see your partner for who they really are without judgement. Love begins and can only be experienced once you learn to love yourself.  
"There comes a time when you meet someone and you just want to make them smile for the rest of your life."

 Loving someone goes beyond the physical. You want to see them grow, you see past their flaws, you desire to build together, you encourage and inspire each other. Loving someone demands total commitment on your part. Loving someone means giving without condition, wanting the best for them, making sacrifices, not keeping a record of wrongs, trusting completely. This type of love will only survive if both parties know and understand what it truly means to love. 
"It feels amazing to be touched by the person who understands your mind, the person who acknowledges your flaws and loves your soul"

 Love someone not because of what you can get, but what you can give. You may fall "In Love" for selfish reasons and fall out of love when there are no personal gains. Don't let yourself fall "In Love" because you will just as easily fall out of love when the things you desire no longer exist in the relationship. Instead, love someone completely, for who they are, embrace their flaws, see and bring the best out of each other, during the good and the bad. Be patient and selfless and allow your love to constantly grow. 
"Stop, stopping yourself"

I'm no expert, I make mistakes, and I'll never be able to learn and understand everything. But I've learned to love, I've learned that there isn't just 1 person out there for you, that love knows no boundaries, doesn't come with guidelines and will only survive if it is shown unconditionally. I've loved and I've lost love. I've felt the butterflies, warmth, longing and joy beyond measure, and I've also felt the loss, pain, and devastation of having your heart broken. And while I may not know everything, I do know what it means to love, fully, truly and unconditionally. And that a love like that grows and develops over time, it is not something you simply fall into, as humans we are capable of loving everyone, but unless you learn how to love completely and love yourself in return, you may never know it. 

Comments

Unknown said…
You are so right and I totally agree with you. The best love there is is unconditional and it comes from within, like you wrote "love yourself" it begins from yourself, within, You! You are an inspiration and a strong, intelligent, compassionate, beautiful and all of the above. I cannot even imagine having special needs children...you my dear are special to be doing what you are doing. You are most definitely doing a fantastic job and I love reading your blogs. Keep being strong and God Bless :)
January 28, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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