Be fearlessly Authentic

"I am brave. I am bruised.

 I am who I'm meant to be. 

This is me."

Have you ever thought about how completely under appreciated google is? We use google for so many aspects of our lives. You get lost, google it. Stuck in an argument, google it. Need a recipe, google it. Curious how whales are transported, (yes, I've actually looked this up), google it. We literally have the answers to anything we want at the tip of our fingertips. There's only 1 downside to having this plethora of information, we can't google how to be happy. There are no links, downloads, or websites. Sure, you can find every self help article ever written, brush up on Cosmo's Top 10 tips to a happier, healthier you, download a meditation app, but these only scratch the surface. They help for a while, then fizzle out as quickly as they started. In order to truly find joy in life, we need to dig deeper. Now, I'm no expert. I don't have a psychology degree, I haven't written a self help book, to be honest I'm basically a nobody. But after 34 years, I feel like I've finally cracked the code....or at least snuck a sneak peek. It's pretty simple really, there's just 2 steps involved. Although, some of you might bail once you read the first step. Now I might be way off base here, and it's very likely that by the time you finish reading this you might think that it's all a load of BS. But on the other hand, it's quite possible that an average, single mother of 2 has stumbled onto something. Frankly, it's a toss up. May the odds be ever in your favor. 

"The greatest act of courage is to be and own all that you are. Without apology. Without excuses and without any masks to cover the truth of who you truly are"

Ok, stay with me through this next part because it's gonna sound like a total contradiction. Here it is, step one, if you want to be truly happy, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Go ahead and let that sink in for a minute. Right about now I'm guessing that some of you are laughing, some of you are swearing, and some of you are gonna stop reading. For those still sticking around let me explain.  Here's what I mean, you have to stop suppressing who you are. We all do it, it's something that's become ingrained in us. We constantly second guess our emotional reactions and natural responses. We hold back when instead we should just let go.  Our fear of being judged, teased, or rejected pushes our conscious mind out of the way and puts our subconscious mind in the drivers seat. For those of you that don't know the difference between conscious and subconscious don't fret, I've already googled this for you.

Subconscious VS Conscious 

Our subconscious minds are where all of our memories are stored, it's also the part of our brains that controls our emotions.  It's essentially a vault that holds everything we do, hear, read, learn, and experience. This part of our mind works to keep us in a neutral state by keeping our thinking and acting consistent with what we have done in the past. It pulls from memories and experiences to provide us with our behavioral patterns. Our subconscious minds have learned our behaviors and works to keep us in our comfort zones. The fear and discomfort that we feel when attempting something new is actually our subconscious mind kicking into gear, attempting to break our regular patterns and establish new ones. All of our physical, mental and emotional reactions come from our subconscious mind. So when our feelings get hurt, or we get offended, it is because our subconscious mind is pulling from past memories and behavioral patterns to produce those emotional reactions. Your subconscious mind makes up between 75%-90% of our daily decisions.

Our conscious minds are responsible for the thoughts and actions that we are currently aware of and focused on. Everything that we do in the present, that is to say the things we decide to do, all come from our conscious minds. It is in charge of our voluntary actions, so when we decide to tap our pencils on the desk, or take a sip of tea, that is our conscious minds making those decisions. This part of our mind is also responsible for logic and reasoning, so when we are presented with a problem it is our conscious minds that is activated to solve it.

Let's look at an example: Imagine that you're driving down the freeway, it's a sunny day, there's no traffic and you are singing along to the radio. Everything you are doing in that moment from focusing on the road, checking your mirrors and singing is your conscious mind in action. Out of nowhere, a truck swerves into your lane cutting you off and forcing you to hit your brakes to avoid being hit. (still your conscious mind here) Now enter your subconscious, this is the part where you first feel fear and then anger, possibly blare your horn, and if you're anything like me, share a fair amount of profanities and hand gestures. All thanks to your subconscious.

Subconscious= beliefs, emotions, habits, values, protective reactions, etc.
Conscious-will power, logical thinking, critical thinking

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying

to make you something else is the

greatest accomplishment"

Everyone got it? Great, moving on. Alright, let's get back to the kicker. To be happy you must first become vulnerable. I say this, because only by taking that leap of faith and letting yourself become vulnerable, will you be able to step out of your comfort zones, re-design the emotional blueprint in your subconscious, and re-write what it is that truly makes us happy. This doesn't happen overnight and in order to really make the change in our subconscious minds, you have to be working on this daily until it becomes part of your norm. When you can make that change, the way you think, see and feel things will be different. YOU will be different. Instead of hesitating to do something because you're afraid of how others will see you, you'll jump right in and be pulling others with you. Instead of getting annoyed and offended when the grocery clerk is rude, you'll see past the behavior and consider the bigger picture, you might even go out of your way to compliment them in an attempt to alter their mood. First dates will no longer be nerve-racking, or intimidating because instead of trying to impress them, you'll be fearlessly and authentically you and probably even help get them to relax. When we learn to control our emotional reactions and instead replace them with logic we then keep our conscious minds in control.

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and 

it's better to be absolutely ridiculous

than absolutely boring." 

I realize that I probably rambled on there and I'm not even sure if I was able to fully or correctly explain what I was attempting to. So, for those of you who did get it, those of you that didn't, and those of you that think I'm completely bonkers, I'm gonna throw in a little insight about me, some personal experience. 

"I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves"

If you would have met me 5 years ago, hell if you would have met me 2 years ago, you would have met a very different person. I was more introverted, gun shy, and constantly second guessing everything from what I said, to how I acted and even what I wore. I was so concerned about how others, especially those who were the most important to me, would see me, worried that they would judge or criticize. So I didn't let them see me. I chose to hide who I really was and instead attempted to be what I thought was acceptable, to change who I was to be who I thought they wanted me to be. Fortunately for me everything changed on my 33 birthday. Little tid bit about me, I am not a fan of my birthday, I love making a big stink out of everyone else, but when it comes to mine I would prefer that it just gets ignored. Yes, I know I'm not normal. So here we are, it's my 33rd birthday and it was a particularly hard one for me. I was divorced, a single mom, worked full time, and was living in an apartment starting my life over from scratch. I decided to drive down with my sister and her family to visit my grandparents in Ferron, UT. I'd always loved visiting them when I was growing up and have some many wonderful memories on their farm. And as an added bonus, not only are my nana and pops the sweetest, most amazing grandparents anyone could ask for but they are also, in my opinion, the purest, most ideal representation of what true love really is. They have the kind of relationship that people dream of. Getting back on track, here we are in Ferron, with my adorable nana and pops, all sitting in their front room and catching up. 

"When someone else's happiness is your happiness,

that is love"

As I'm sitting there listening to my Nana talk about her grandkids, my cousins and siblings, I couldn't get over the pride and joy she radiated. She spoke so lovingly about each and every one of them and beamed with how happy she was for each of us. Quick side note, you probably should know that I come from a family  with a strong religious background. The majority of my family on both sides have devoted their lives to their beliefs and are strong testaments of their faith. Of course with every family you get those, like me, who choose to follow another path. We decided to take our lives in an entirely different direction. Now back to my nana and pops, the thing that struck me the most was the admiration and unconditional love they had for each member in their family. Not once did they say "if only so and so would..." or "it's too bad that so and so doesn't" or "I really wish he/she would have turned out differently". Nope! My nana and papa were truly overjoyed at the people we had all become. They were happy because WE were happy. (For anyone that missed it, that's step 2. Do what makes you happy!)

Things changed for me that day. If my grandparents could be so happy and proud of each of us, regardless of how different we all were, then why couldn't I feel that way. Why the heck was I suppressing so much of myself?  What was I so afraid of? I made some decisions that day, no longer would I let the "what if's" rule my life. I was gonna do things my way, and I did. It's only been a year and I think we can all agree that 2018 was the year that every one would like to pretend never happened, but even though it was one of my hardest years, it was also one of my happiest. Since my 33rd birthday, I went back to college, (and just finished the first year of my bachelors degree), bought my very own home, and most importantly I am totally and completely fearlessly authentic. 

"If it makes you happy, then who the hell cares

what anyone else thinks"

 My point is this, you get one life. That's it! One shot to do whatever it is you chose to do. We can't control much in life, and we especially can't control how long or short our lives will be. But you can absolutely control the quality of your life. You make your own happiness. You decide how each day will be. There will always be curve balls, and some of us will get hit a lot harder than others. But the fact still remains that when you finally let go, when you finally find yourself and start living according to your own rules, when you can truly not give a damn about what anyone else thinks, that's when you've made it. So smile, and let the world wonder why. 

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels,

the troublemakers, the round pegs in the                                   square holes because the people who are

crazy enough to think that they 

can change the world, are the ones who do. "